


One Way Ticket

by king_gaara14



Series: Me and My Weird Ships [3]
Category: Morita Takahiro/Satoh Takeru - Fandom, ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Eventual Romance, Heartache, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, not real people sorry if some names were the same with the real one, some characters are just for fictional use only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 12:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19830112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/king_gaara14/pseuds/king_gaara14
Summary: When Takeru and Taka decided to hit on the same girl for a one night stand, they did not know what will happen next.





	One Way Ticket

One of the many decisions I’ve made in my life that I regretted, this one definitely topped my most regretted one ever because it’s simply the worst ever. I learned it the moment we enter this cheap motel room with light bulbs that threatens to pop out of the socket anytime, bed with I don’t know if it’s clean or what since maybe someone already used it before us and the management forget to clean it or changed it, floors that were creaking and windows that never opened. In short this is the place I never imagine to be in this very moment especially not with my closest friend who thinks that threesome with someone we don’t know is a very nice idea.

“You’re thinking too much,” he said from across the room. He was playing with the key in his fingers while grinning at me.

“What if she has disease or something that we might get?” I protested again because that’s the best that I can do especially now that he’s smirking ever so evilly.

“Hush now,” he just said and sits at the edge of the bed. “She’s good, I meet her three months ago and I can sure you, she’s clean.”

“Did you do it with her?”

“A couple more times,” he confessed.

“Then what am I doing here when you seem to enjoy doing it with her, alone.” I added the last part just trying to make it got into his head that I’m really opposing this type of intercourse.

“She said she wanted to try it and not that I don’t want to.”

“With me?”

“Hmm,”

“If you’re going to say yes, I’m gonna walk out of here, it’s gross.”

And he just laughed at that. “She’s your fan by the way.” He just said after he find his normal voice again but that grin didn’t settles in my insides really well.

We waited in a comfortable silence a little more before someone knocks on the door which made us both flinched. Taka stands up and opens the door and that someone enters very slowly that I can only raise my eyebrows.

She smiles when she saw me. She got looks despite of the fact that she did not wore any make-up on— which I can tell by the pale pair of lips she had— a wavy long hair up to the base of her spine, small frame and a little shorter than Taka. She wore a white shirt and skinny jeans underneath a black coat.

“Hi,” I said and her smile back full force and she’s more beautiful with that. Great!

“This is Ai; she’s half Japanese half Korean. Ai, this is Takeru, one of my closest friends.”

She nodded and then walks over to me and leaned over to kiss me but I flinched away which also shocked me. But I immediately recovered and hug her instead, patting her shoulder a bit awkward. Taka laughed at that and I just rolled my eyes to him.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“No! I mean no need to be very formal now, alright?” _especially that we’re going to get naked later on_ , I wanna add but bit my tongue to stops myself from uttering it.

“Vodka, whiskey or sake?” Taka called out from the other side of the bed, holding the phone in his ear.

“All,” Ai said with a wink while taking off her coat, showing her very small waist underneath the shirt she’s wearing that rides up when she take off the coat.

“Mixed it then,” I heard Taka said to someone on the line before putting the device at the cradle.

“Are you kidding me?” I literally shouted at both of them and they just laugh at me.

“I thought he’s cool and all but seems like he’s just cool when he’s in TV,” she teased me and I just mumbles a soft ‘fuck off’ to her which she just laughs. “I’m still your number one fan though,” she said after with a wink. “And you cursing is very sexy to me.”

“It’s on the way.” Taka cut both of us and snakes his arms around Ai and kisses her check that makes her hum happily. And I just rolled my eyes to them.

We talked some more before a knock on the door cut the three of us. Ai was the one who answers the door and rolled the food cart inside before giving the room boy and flirty wink. Poor room boy, that’s the only thing he can get as a tip.

And then we started drinking. I’m a hard drinker but this one is really something, it hit us almost immediately that I can’t remember anymore exactly what happens next. Is it me or Taka or Ai who started undressing and well, get the party started?

\-------------------------

I drop the empty bottle of water at the trash bin slowly near the refrigerator and leaned against the kitchen island. My head hurts like hell. After contemplating and debating with myself, I slowly walk back towards the futon where Taka was still lying and snoring a little, where his green hair sticking anywhere, splayed against the white pillow. I smile at that. Well, hangover sucks and it’s never really a good idea to mixed vodka, whiskey and sake. Curiosity kills the cat they said and here we are, can’t even walk straight and the worst is that, I can’t even remember where are we now. Whose house exactly is this? I didn’t remember travelling or walking or something.

What exactly happened last night? If my brain serves me right, I guess both of us messed up big time last night. Threesome, huh? I can feel my face warming because number one, it’s embarrassing and number two, it will be awkward tomorrow. Damn! But I don’t want to worry about that now, I am more worried about my head that threatens to explode anytime and it hurts when I move so I decided to just slumps into the futon beside Taka and shrink under the blanket. I feel Taka behind snuggles closer to me and my face turned red I know if the warm that I can feel is anything to go by because I can literally feel his growing erection in my thigh that’s when I realize that both of us were naked like the day we both born. I don’t mind it really, I saw him naked a thousand times before but after what we did last night as far as my brain remembered I know everything between us will be changed.

When I woke up, I’m all alone in the futon. Taka is nowhere near to be found and my clothes were neatly folded beside my pillow. Where am I? I slowly rose up, good thing I drink water last night and it helps my throbbing head settles a bit but it still hurts.

I slip on my clothes, look for my phone and my wallet which were all intact which is good. I open my phone to check it and I have one hundred and seventy-five miscalls and twenty messages. Wow! Whoever texted me and did not get a reply called me hundred times. I open it maybe it’s my manager or someone very important. But it’s all Haruma, asking where the hell I am, who’s with me and anything. He’s worried, that’s so sweet of him. I’ll call him later because I have a very big problem now and that would be where I am and where the hell is Taka.

I walk into the door and wear my shoes that’s when I noticed an orange sticky note posted atop one of my shoes. _“Got an early rehearsal at the studio, call you when I’m done.”_ It’s Taka’s messy hand writing. I know because it’s not the first time I received such post it from him.

I immediately flew from the place and took a cab to my own. I didn’t even spare a glance to remember the place because, one, I don’t want to remember anything in which slowly creeping into my brain and make me actually remember all the things we did, and number two, I hate it when I’m getting confuse about anything especially when it has something to do with him.

\-------------

Haruma almost knocked the life out of me when he hugged me tightly upon seeing me ascending the stairs to my own house. If I didn’t tap his back, indicating that I can’t breathe anymore he won’t release me. Good thing he did and I took a breath that almost dramatic but it’s what I did.

He bombarded me with questions like where have I been or whose with me or anything that makes me see that yes, he’s worried sick about me but I can’t remember that we made plans yesterday. Taka was the first to knock on my door at ten o’clock so of course, I forgot everything prior to that. I said sorry to him a couple times and he finally calms down when I said that I’m home in one piece, so no need to worry.

After he makes sure that I’m fine and makes me eat a lot, he bid his goodbye and said that he will visit his old guys and will stay here for a week so he can’t attend to my needs, in case I needed him, and that I should call him if anything life threatening happens to me— I don’t want to think that he’s my father or mother or something, but he makes me— and I just nodded and grin and push him out of my house. I needed shower— to wash the remnants of last night’s adventure— and probably sleep longer now that I’m all alone.

\--------------

I stretch my arms up and the cracks it made makes me smile. After the long hours of shooting finally we’re done. I never been so happy in my entire life the moment Director Ohtomo announces the packed up. I quickly pack my things and loaded it into my car. We took picture for the last time for remembrance of this successful day. They gave me a bouquet of different flower which is really, very thoughtful of them, I’m sure to put these into the vase in the corner of my room.

I was ready to dive in my bed when I get home and unloaded all my things into the floor in the living room. Exhaustion finally hit me like an over speeding truck, but that moment immediately evaporated when I saw who was lying motionless in my couch and slightly snoring. I walk over and look closer to him. He had his hair in bleach blond now, and he’s wearing the ugliest checkered I’ve ever seen him wore, his shirt riding up showing his tattooed abdomen. But knowing him, he still looks so damn hot even if he wears rugs.

I walk into my room and showers then changed into something comfortable then walks into the kitchen. I bet he will look for something to eat when he wakes up. I rummage my refrigerator and cupboards for anything to cook. I found five eggs in the cupboards and few strips of nori at the ref. I guess I need to go to the supermarket as soon as possible. In the end, all I do is a simple rice bowl with raw egg as toppings.

I proceeded to make myself a tea and brought it into the single sofa near the couch. I just watch him for a good minute before deciding to watch movie instead then I realize that it’s not really a good idea when he slowly woke up due to the sound of Yūri Kurahashi’s scream pierce the silence of the night.

His wide hazel brown eyes look over to me and then to the television and back to me and back to the television and jump unto his feet and curse loudly when he saw Sadako’s hair coming out of the screen. I laughed at that so hard my stomach hurts. He grabs the remote sitting at the armrest of the sofa and turned off the television.

“You’re a jerk.” He mutters before slumping back into the couch.

“At least I made you food,” and his eyes grows wider while looking at me, mouth open a little and then he closes it again. “It’s in the microwave,” he then walks into the kitchen without talking.

It’s been like nine something months since the last time we see each other and until now I can’t forget what we did the last time we saw each other.

I follow him into the kitchen. He was digging his food seriously that he doesn’t notice me at first. “How’s the tour?” I ask.

“Not fine. I’m so tired and they wanted to extend our stay in the UK. I escape and go home.” He said with a shrug as if he was just talking about the good weather.

“You escape?” and he nodded. “And what do you think Toru will do when he finds out that you’re not there anymore?”

“I don’t know.” he grinned. “I wanted to just sleep and rest my vocal chords a little before going back.” I swallow the large lump in my throat by that as heat crawls up from the base of my neck, vocal chords huh.

“And you’re gonna hide here?”

“Yes! I heard your shooting’s done so you’re gonna accompany me here while I’m here.”

“What do you want me to do then?” I teasingly raise my eyebrows at him and he choke on his food.

“Damn!” he mutters underneath his breathe which if not for my good hearing I wouldn’t hear it, “Just stay around while I sleep.” Then grinned like a cute psychopath. I rolled my eyes to that. _When did psychopaths become cute, huh Takeru?_

“Okay then. I need sleep too you know, so you’re gonna sleep at the couch.” I told him.

“Hey! I’m a guest. Isn’t it very rude of you to let me sleep at the couch while you’re on the bed?”

“It’s my house and you know that my house has only one bedroom. Why don’t you go home to your own house and sleep all you want there?”

He pouted by that. “You’re cruel, aren’t you?” he just said then stands up and brings the dishes into the sink. I’m ready to jump out of my chair and grab the dishes from his hand if he will wash it but he just leaves it there and run into the bedroom. Damn!

Before I can stop him, he already slams the door into my face. Great! Now my right to sleep in a comfortable bed was robbed by no other than a guest.

“Taka, open the door.”

“Say please.”

“It’s my bed to begin with, why would I say please?”

“Say please,” he just repeated it. Somehow I find it very endearing and very domestic. _Shit!_

“Taka,”

“Say please,”

I bit bottom lip to suppress myself from giggling. “Please,” I said in a way I can remember that he likes. A thud can be heard inside and I stifle myself from laughing, seems like it works when the click can be heard at the door.

I saw him already underneath the duvet when I enter the room and I can only shake my head at him. A naked Taka underneath my duvet is the last thing I wanted to see right now but who cares when my system is already shutting down and I needed sleep.

\--------------

I was woken up by the ringing of the phone that isn’t mine. Of course, I switched my phone off before going to bed, so whose phone it is that disturbed me from my slumber then?

The sky is still dark outside and I can see a faint stars twinkling in the night sky. I grab the phone that was blaring from the night stand and peered whose calling in the middle of the night and Toru’s smiling face come into view. What the hell is wrong with Toru calling me in the middle of the night? I’m going to tell him to fuck off because some people needs sleep but then I realize it’s not mine because Toru’s contact in my phone has cat ears and not smiling at all and my calling tone is not _me_ singing Itoshi no Ellie of all the songs.

I remember when we both decided to change our calling ring tone and he choose that song because he said it remind him of a very grumpy me when I’m hungry and I choose his Mighty Long Fall, well, it’s nice and it’s his voice do the job really.

Then I noticed something hot at the crooked between my shoulder and neck and a mop of blonde hair tickling the side of my face, an arm wrapped around my waist and my arm wrapped around his back. _Taka._ What’s wrong with me? How did we end up like this, tangled legs underneath the duvet?

Another ring pierces the silence of the night so I don’t have choice but to wake up Taka. Maybe Toru was worried sick now because as far as I can remember, Taka ditched them in UK.

Taka mumbles a little first before finally untangling his limbs against mine and opening his eyes and into the phone that I shoved into his face, just being rude. He grabs it and just shut it off before throwing it at the edge of the bed and going back to sleep and snuggles against me closer. That was _very_ rude.

\--------------

The next time I woke up is when Haruma kicks me out of the bed with an angry face. Guess I forget something again?

“What’ wrong with you?” I sleepily mumbled and slump back into the bed.

“Wake up!” with stern voice he used to me when he wanted to emphasize something very important.

“I need sleep. You know that, of all people.” I told him but he just crossed his arms against his chest so I decided whatever it is he’s serious about it. “I’m awake now.” I said, sitting at the edge of the bed.

“There’s someone looking for you outside.” He said and then walks out. How did he even get in here? I remember I lock the door, is he some kind of thief?

I scurried into the bathroom and wash and brush my teeth then grab some clothes at the closet and walk out of the room. Taka is, as usual nowhere to be found. Maybe he flew back to UK or something along the line.

What greeted me outside makes my heart jump out of my rib cage. A woman wearing all white like a nurse or doctor underneath a black coat was sitting at the couch, in her lap was something wrapped with blue cotton. When it moved and a little hand reach out the woman’s hand that’s when I realize that it’s indeed a child in her lap.

“Hi,” the woman smile at me and I just nodded at her. I slowly walk in front of the couch and sit at the single sofa, my eyes not leaving with them. “I’m Doctor Mashiba Sakura. I’m the Head Pediatrician of Kanto Children’s Hospital.” she said and I nodded again. “Someone named Ayumi Park gave birth two months ago but she got complication and died after she gave birth but before she died she listed your name as the father of the child. Since then we’re looking for a way to contact you because the hospital wanted the child to be given to the orphanage because we’re closing it for good.” She explains and all I can hear was I have a child with someone whose name I didn’t even heard in my 26th years of existence.

“What I’m trying to say is that, we wanted you to have the child.”

I wanted to protest but the child cried and my heart flip and even skip a beat. Is this what they called father’s instinct? I can feel all my air leaved me in an instant while she cooed the child to stop crying.

“Please Mr. Satoh, I promise Ms. Park that I’ll look for you.”

“But I— I don’t even know her.” I said slowly to her.

She then picks some paper at her bag and gives it to me. It’s a birth certificate. I read it with trembling hand and there, written in bold and capital letters were my and Taka’s name as the fathers and— sole parents of the child? It was dated a month ago so it means that the child was born exactly a month ago too. If my brain serves me right, if I needed nine months to that, because we all know that a child should be in their mother’s tummy for nine months, then it should be ten months, yeah? Me and Taka met someone with an 'Ai' in her name at that cheap motel exactly nine months and few days ago. So how is it even possible?

“You’re kidding me right?” because, though I’m not good in math because numbers we’re our universal enemy, I know I can count, yeah?

“The child’s immature but he’s strong and he survived. It’s been a week since we’ve decided to take him out of the incubator, if that’s what you’re meaning, Mr. Satoh.” with a mischievous glint in her eyes that I cannot quite decipher.

“No, maybe you got it wrong.” I said.

“Mr. Satoh, she told me everything while she’s in labor. Do you want me to give you the detail?” she said and maybe a horrified look crosses my face because she chuckled at that and nodded. “I want you to have the child; I don’t want him to be dump at an orphanage. Give him the home he needed.” She said and then shoved the little bundle wrapped in blue in my hand that I quickly grab afraid that it may slip. “I’m going. Give me a call when you need me, my contact is stapled at the certificate.” And she quickly walks into the door. Before I can call out to her, she was out of the house.

I was frozen in my spot for a while; not exactly knows what to do with the little bundle that was now sleeping in my arm. I watch as he sucks on his thump while sleeping peacefully. How can you sleep peacefully like that when I’m very horrified and panic slowly rose up in my system?

“Takeru,”

“I don’t know what to do.” I blurted out when Haruma shook me. “I was single five minutes ago and then I have this now. What should I do?”

“Calm down okay,” he said and then extended his hand, “Let me read the certificate,” he said. I was slowly giving it to him but then I realize that it’s not only my name was written in the piece of paper but also Taka’s, I quickly tuck it in my chest.

What if he will ask me what really happen nine months ago? What should I tell him? That we hit on the same girl and then make out and then have sex with that girl and then suck each other’s dick and probably had sex too? Which I really didn’t know if it’s true especially that we’re all drunk our asses out that night. Still, my face heated and I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine.” I said and then walks into my bedroom, Haruma followed suit. I put down the child at the center of my bed and then grab my phone. It’s three in the afternoon Taka should be up right now since its seven in London.

“Takeru,”

“Leave me alone, please.” I told him and he just nodded. He walks out of the room when he knows that I needed space and time to be alone. That’s what I like with him the most; he knows when to give me space.

I can hear his car out of the garage that’s when I know he was gone. I dialed Taka’s number again when he didn’t pick up the first time. I needed to talk to him. I need him this time, damn!

_“Hello,”_ Taka’s sleepy voice answered me.

“Taka!”

_“Yeah? I’m sorry I ditched you again. I needed to go back early because we needed to be in the arena at 12 for the sound check and all and Toru’s been calling since yesterday, you know him and—”_

“I don’t care about Toru and everything!” I shouted at the line and Taka stops mumbling, “I’m sorry. I just need to talk to you about something very important.” I was pacing now at the expanse of my bedroom and into the balcony when the child moves a little.

_“What? Are you okay?”_ I can hear his panic too.

“Taka we need to talk, as in personal.”

_“I just climb out of the airplane. What’s wrong Takeru?”_

“When are you coming back?”

_“In a week or so, I don’t know.”_

“I’ll wait for you here.”

_“Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong? I’m dying in panic here. Are you okay? Something happen to you?”_ and I calm down immediately with that even smile a little.

“No, I’m fine. You take your time and we’ll talk when you come back.” I said calmly and he release a breath his holding.

_“Okay. I’ll be there soon.”_ He said. After we bid our goodbyes, I hanged up and turned to the child still sleeping at the center of my bed.

What should I do now? Firstly, I need to feed him, right? So I dialed the number who knows what to do with a child.

_“What? If it’s not important at all I’ll be there and castrate you. I don’t care if you’re famous or what.”_ yeah, she’s exactly who I needed now.

“Can you come here? I just need you badly.”

_“Whoah! Are you okay? I’ll be there in like ten or so.”_ She said and then hanged up.

I’m pacing again in front of my bed. Then decided to send Haruma an apology text which he quickly replied with ‘No problem, no harm done.’ And I send him a thank you cartoon. He said that he’s in his family’s house if I need him. Then I can breathe properly now.

\------------------

I feel so exhausted after everything we did for the whole day. Jin helps me purchased everything the child needed, from the milk for infant, bottles, diaper, clothes and even few things for my refrigerator. She’s an angel.

“You haven’t told me the story yet,” she said after we filed everything.

“That’s for another day.” I told her with a puppy eyes.

“But you would, yeah?”

“Of course,” I said and she and nodded. I push her out of the door and she glared at me and I just laughed. “You know that I love you, right?”

“And I hate you so much.” She said but of course she’s just kidding and I don’t have to point it out. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will.” I just said and kiss her forehead which she only giggles. I watch as she made her way into the gate. She wave first before going out totally and into her waiting car.

Jin is everything. If it’s not for the fact that she hated commitment, we might have been together since that night we decided to add each other to the long list of one night stands. But we’ve been friends since then and I appreciated the things she did for me, at least she let me stay in her life as a friend even though she had a strict policy on becoming friends with her one night stands.

After I fill three bottles of milk—because the child can consume that much as what we learn earlier— as Jin taught me earlier, I put it at the night stand so I can easily grab it when I needed it.

Kenji, which I learn his name, is sleeping peacefully at the bed. I lay beside him, not too close that I can crush him when I moved and not too far so that I can hear him when he cries.

\-------------------

Two weeks and I’m starting to feel the hardship of becoming a single parent. Sure my friends helps me — they already know the story behind except for my and Taka’s adventure and they decided to help me to raise Kenji especially Jin— but during the night is one of the hours I’m really dreading because that means I’m alone and I need to be wide awake and cannot nap at all even a little because apparently, Kenji needed to be held at night.

Taka hasn’t come back yet, he texted me last week that they extended for another week and he hadn’t text me again since then. Maybe he’s really busy. I’ll just wait for him here. Well, it’s not like I needed him to be here but at least he’ll know that Ai just left us with a very cute little bundle here and that he was one of the sole parents that was listed at the child’s birth certificate.

Sleep took over me and before I know it, I was drifting off to dreamland with Kenji lying peacefully in my chest.

\-----------------

Taka looks over to me as if I grow another head when I told him everything without a pause.

“Are you kidding me?” he blurted out after I was done.

“I hope I am and that I can.” I seriously told him. I was rocking Kenji in my lap to sleep with a bottle of milk in my other hand, feeding him with it.

He just looks at me in disbelief after he drop the certificate at the coffee table and heave a worried sigh. “I—”

“It’s okay. No need to beat yourself with it. I guess I can manage it. I don’t have project lining up so I think I can do this alone.” he said he’s not ready for this and that he didn’t even expected it. He even suggested that we should take DNA to makes sure that the child is really mine, noting _mine_ and not _ours._

“But,”

“It’s okay. No one prepared us for this or me for that matter. I just told you about this because I want you to know. If you don’t want this, it’s okay.”

Kenji leave the nipple of the bottle, stop sucking and just sleep again. I watch as he open and close his mouth a few times before finally letting it open. My heart goes flipping again or something but one thing is for sure, I want Kenji here with me and I’ll love him and do anything for him if it means he’ll be safe.

A silence followed that. Taka is shifting uncomfortably in his sit while watching us and then he sighed again.

“It’s okay.” I repeated and smile at him, “You can go now, actually.” I told him.

“Takeru,”

“I understand.”

And that’s all. He stands up and walks out of the door, leaving us in silence. Well, that means he didn’t want him and so I’ll be a single parent for the rest of our lives.

“We’re all alone now I guess.” I told the child and rock him once more before carrying him into our room. When he’s bigger or older, I should construct another room for him or should I find a little bigger house than this that could fit the two of us? I should call Jin and ask her to find me a bigger house.

As we both lay in the bed, my mind doesn’t leave Taka. We’re not both ready to become parents, true, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be, right? But if he really doesn’t want to then I’ll leave it to him to decide on his own, besides I don’t have a choice, yeah?

\-----------------

Kenji grows faster. He’s one year old now and a very hyper child. He giggled at almost everything that's moving in our house, watch TV as if he understands what they’re saying, or grabbing me when I’m near and never let me go until I told him so. He also can walk now around the house that’s why I decided to install carpet for the whole living room since he bumped almost to everything around and scrape his knees with the rough tiles.

He can also eat real foods faster and messy now and we’ll fight every time I’ll try to feed him food that he doesn’t like. He’ll cry and at the end, he’ll win because I’ll give him the food he wants.

Jin was also a constant visitor in our house as she’s the one to take care of him when I am at work. Good thing it’s not permanent, sometimes I carry him with me at the studio or at the shooting place and everyone loves to carry him when I can’t. They sometimes ask who’s his mother but I never bother answering it and I’ll just shrug and then they take it as an answer.

Haruma was also constant; sometimes he’ll sing Kenji a lullaby so he will sleep and sometimes they’ll play and anything. Or sometimes he’ll bring us groceries or anything we needed. The whole gang sometimes goes to our house and just hanged out there even if it means messing with Kenji at the carpeted floor.

Taka haven’t visited us or tried to, even if he’s in Japan and the band was just resting. I get it that he doesn’t want him and I can’t really blame him but, it’s his child too, he should show some consideration.

And then times goes by faster, Kenji is turning three in a week and I’m very excited that I even planned a party for him, planned everything from his birthday cake to his costume, visitors, food and everything. Shohei who tagged himself as Kenji’s number one godfather treat us to the Disneyland a day before his birthday.

“Thank you for coming,” I told the last couple of guests while ushering them to the double door. It’s pretty exhausting but the smile on Kenji’s face when someone gives him gift made everything worth it.

“You should rest,” I heard Haruma said behind me. I turned around and smile at him.

“I’m fine,” I said but he doesn’t believe me and just drag me into the nearest chair and push me into it. I can only chuckled but nevertheless thankful for what he did. “You should go ahead; you’re flying to New York tomorrow morning, isn’t it?”

“Nah, I’m not leaving you here. Besides, you need someone to drive both of you home.” Yeah, Kenji’s sleeping at one of the couches and I need to carry him so yeah, maybe Haruma’s right, I need someone to drive us home. So I just nodded at him.

I then walk into Kenji to carry him then we bid our goodbyes to the organizers, staff and everyone in the venue and thank them for the wonderful party they have for my son.

We were already outside when Taka came into view. He was leaning against a black car and playing with his key in his fingers. He looks up when we approach because unfortunately, Haruma’s car is just beside the car he was leaning against.

“Taka,” Haruma greeted him and he smiles at him before looking at me.

“Can I drive them home?” he asks Haruma. Haruma looks over to me but didn’t comment before nodding to Taka. He knows the story of us that brought us Kenji but not the entire one, so it’s to consider Taka’s right with the child too.

“Yeah, of course,” He just said then turned over to me, “I’ll call you when I’m in New York.” he then bid his goodbye since he needed to prepare for his flight to New York, said that he will call me before flying.

Taka proceeded to open the passenger’s seat but I open the backseat and put down Kenji, buckled up and then climb into the passenger’s seat. “Kids are not allowed at the passenger’s seat.” he just nodded.

We drove in silence since then aside from the GPS tracking the streets we’re in and giving directions to where we are going. No one wanted to talk and I don’t want to talk to because, what would I tell him then? So I suited myself to just watch the scenery outside.

I jolted awake when he announces that we’re already there. Kenji was still sleeping when I carried him out of the car and into the house. I invited Taka to come inside as this is his first time coming inside.

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll just drop him into his room.” I said to him. I didn’t wait for him to reply I just leave him at the living room and walk my way to Kenji’s room which is just beside mine.

I drop Kenji at his bed and rummage his closet for his pajamas then wipe him with wet wipes and proceeded to change his clothes. He called me in his sleep and I smile. Simple things like this made me think how grateful I am to that one night we shared with his mom that brought him to life. How I love him so much I’m willing take bullets for him.

I then leave him to sleep after tucking him to bed. I open the door slightly ajar so I can hear him while I’m outside.

I found Taka at the couch scrolling or typing in his phone. He was startled when I shuffled my way to one of the couches.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Beer would do,” he said.

I just nodded at him before going to the kitchen and came back with two bottles of beer. I give him the other and bring with me the other one when I slump into the couch fronting the one he occupied.

“It’s been ages since we’ve had drink, isn’t it?” I just nodded to that before gulping the liquid in my bottle. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“How is he?”

I turned to look at him. This is the first time I heard him asks about _my_ son. Though I did not close the door of possibility that one day he’ll think of him and maybe accept the fact that he is indeed _his_ son too.

“I—” he continues when I did not reply, “I go to her place few months ago and her brother told me about her being pregnant and came to Tokyo and how she decided to give birth here. He said that she wasn’t in very good condition, her heart stops beating a few times in the expanse of her pregnancy. She tried calling any of us but seems like she doesn’t have enough time to do that.”

“What’s the point of that?”

“My point is—”

“If you want to be a father to him now, do it. It’s not like I stop you before and I don’t want to stop you now. Just one thing Taka,” he bit his bottom lip to that, “If you want to do this, makes sure that you really want to do this, Kenji isn’t a thing that if you wanted to stop caring for him you can dump him like a worn-out teddy, he’s human, and he needs love and care.” I wanted to get angry at him but, I know at the end of the day, I can't.

“I— I understand.”

A silence engulfed us after than aside from constant gulping of the liquid in each bottle we’re holding.

“He can call you dad since he’s calling me papa.” I blurted out and we both laughed at that. Just like that, the tension between us dissipated into nothing.

We talk some more about anything that we could talk. I learn that he’s going steady with his model girlfriend he met last summer and I’m happy for him. He said that he’ll introduce us sometime soon. He also tells me about their new album that they’ve been drilling up and I do believe that they could come up with a great album soon.

I told him also about things he didn’t know, like our adventure at the Disney World with Shohei and Mirai and how Shohei called himself the number one godfather of Kenji, which we both laugh because he’s really persistent about that. I also told him how everyone warms up immediately to Kenji when I bring him around and how he loves playing with everyone in the set.

“He’s getting the heartthrob title around the agency,”

“He’s really is your son, isn’t he?”

“Ours.” I corrected him and he just smiles.

We didn’t notice the time then until the clock chimes the 3 o’clock. I told him he can sleep at mine and I’ll sleep at Kenji’s which he decided it was the best at this hour. I let him borrow some fresh clothes before we called it end and going on separate ways and probably sleep until we had enough.

\---------

“Kenji, stop it!” and he just giggled into the tub. I’ve been trying to clean him after we played for nearly two hours at the back yard. We played baseball and then football which resulted into tickling war into the ground which made us very dirty. “Come on now, I need to wash you.”

“Baby, listen to your papa. You don’t want him to get ugly, yeah?” Kenji just giggled again but nevertheless, calm down and sit properly at the tub. I look over to Taka and he just smile at me playfully while I rolled my eyes to him.

After we take a bath, we eat our dinner in front of the TV playing Kenji’s favorite anime, Doraemon.

Taka has been hanging out with us since we have talked the other night and they bonded really well. They sometimes ganged up and prank me especially when I came back home after work which sometimes resulted into tickling battle between the three of us, sometimes I’ll won and sometimes they did.

“Are you staying daddy?” after he yawn, he turned to Taka and asked.

Taka looks over to me and I just shrugged. I don’t know if he’s up to this because he never sleep in here after that night, he will just kiss Kenji goodbye and then he’s gone. It’s different now though, Kenji’s always asking for him to stay or he insisted to sleep with him or make him tuck him to bed.

“I will baby if your papa let me stay for the night,” Kenji immediately turned to me, his eyes pleading for me to say yes.

“Why it is always me deciding, what about you decide?” I nudge his small shoulder and he giggled.

“Yehey! Daddy will sleep with us tonight,” he declared and then happily declared that he will brush his teeth and get ready to sleep. Before we can give him another talk, he was already padding into his room.

“We shouldn’t give him right to decide,” I said as we watched him walk away.

“I wanted to indulge him a little. We’ll start the tour next month and I won’t be seeing both of you by then.”

_Both of you_ , I quoted in my mind. I was just surprised to hear him say that. Don’t get me wrong, I was just surprised. Really? Why should I have to explain myself to my brain? Tsk. Since I can’t say anything, I just nodded. “Let’s tuck him then.” I stand up and drag him with me to Kenji’s bedroom.

When we get there, Kenji was already sitting at the center of his bed. “I’m waiting for you two,” he said with a pout that’s so cute for him.

“Aww, don’t be hard on us, we’re here aren’t we?” I grab the end of the duvet and get him underneath it; Taka was in the other side. We all lie down underneath it.

“Papa tell us a story,”

“How I wished you can’t still talk until now.” Kenji just giggled and hugs Taka instead, his little arm wrapping him by the waist, his head leaning against his arms. “So you prefer to snuggle with your dad now than me?”

“I love you too Papa.” he said in his sleepy voice. “Story?” he reminded me that I can only roll my eyes at his back and Taka just grinned at me.

I scoot closer to them but not too close to also lay against Taka’s extended arms. Then I started the story that he really likes.

“Once upon a time,” well, all the stories started with that so who am I to omit such grand introduction? Every night since he’s two and decided that he wanted to hear a bedtime story every time he goes to sleep, I created numerous stories already that I think I can make a whole book out of it. Every night different story and if it has the same outline, he won’t sleep so I must remember the last time then to make sure it’s different. When we heard him slightly snoring already that’s when I ended the story with ‘and they live happily ever after’.

We slowly disentangled ourselves from him and slowly slip out of the room. Later on, he’ll look for us, but he knows already where to find us.

“I can’t imagine how you do this all for the past three years,”

“I’m amazing, right?” I playfully told him, “And it’s call for celebration.” I said and walk into the kitchen as he followed suit. I grab two bottles of beer at the refrigerator and give him one.

“I think I need something harder than this to sleep.” He commented.

“Eh?” I’m thinking if I stored some liquor, “Oh, I have some tequila somewhere.” I then rummage through the cupboards. If I’m not mistaken, I put it here the last time Ryunosuke and I wasted up. “There you go.” I grab the bottle and shake it like I found some treasure hidden and put it into the kitchen island then open the ref to put the beers inside and rummage it for some lime.

Taka just watches me do things around the kitchen. “You sure know how to do this, aren’t you?” he commented teasingly.

“I guess. If you’re friends with the drinking masters, you will know these things.” I just said and he laughed. Yeah, drinking masters like Ryunosuke, Dori and Haruma well, and Taka too.

We carried it into the balcony. The night sky is full of twinkling stars tonight and the wind is not so cold knowing that summer will come soon. It’s the best time to sit at the balcony and just enjoy the night.

Taka poured the first glass and then he poured another one for me and so on that I can’t remember any longer who stands up to grab another liquor, is it me or Taka. Who grab someone first, is it me or him that kisses first the other one, slides the hands inside the shirt or anything that ended both of us in bed, all tangled and kissing messily. We’re pretty wasted that I didn’t even remember how we ended up both naked under the sheets.

\---------------

I felt the first sunrays of the morning laying on the side of my face, a rare sunshine in the chilly month of April.

I peeled my eyes open one by one, a gentle smile grazing my features at the sound of the shower. I could feel the heat of the hot water and the sunlight mixing together, could feel the tenderness of the day seeping into the room. This was going to be one of those lazy days, between my sheets, curled up in somebody's arms, waking and sleeping. My favorite days.

I got off the bed, stretching a little and wiggling my toes before they hit the floor. A chill ran down my spine at the cold feeling but I soon adjusted. I walked over to the walk-in closet and got off the robe, slowly wrapping it around myself as I moved closer to the floor-to-ceiling window. With the curtains pulled back and a brightness that was almost overwhelming, the room looked absolutely stunning.

The view outside wasn't any less, mountains at the end, their peaks touching the cotton clouds, while the greenery in front painted everything in shades of peace and joy.

I heard the shower shut off, inhaled the scent that flooded my senses. Soon there were arms enveloping me from behind and I tilted my head back, resting it against the man's shoulders, cuddling between his soaking locks. He should leave his hair like this forever.

“Good morning,” that sure a sweet music to my ear. I mumbled a reply to him.

I chuckled when he purred against my neck, water from his wet locks seeping inside my robe, and dribbling down my spine. I take a deep breath before turning my head sideways eager to be met with stunning hazel brown eyes, to see its twinkles. Our lips brushed together, like a soft graze, a breeze against the unfurling rose.

No more and no less, yet it was the best. My right hand slid up his body, stopping and curling around his neck. I caressed it, slow and velvety like vanilla on your tongue. Another rendezvous at our lips, warming heart and tangled fingers.

“Got anything to do today?” I ask though I know what the answer to that is already. “Shohei will be picking up Kenji today, he promised to bring him to the Disney again.”

“I have rehearsals today,” he said, loosening his hold in my waist. I turned around and just watch him looking at everything but me.

I look at him up and down. He’s wearing a white crisp shirt, falling elegantly down to his knees, loose enough for it to appear gigantic on him but transparent enough to knock the breath out of me. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows showing his different tattoos, wild hair soaking a patch of his shirt around the neck.

“I know.” I grinned at him, to lessen the tension. This is always like this, for the past months that we’ve been doing this I know this already. Through his looks, through his body language and through anything, I know. It’s not a rocket science to read him especially when it comes to this: staying with me, with us. “Coffee?” I change the subject quickly.

Taka shook his head lazily, eyes still set on my hand and a soft smile plastered into his handsome face. “Hot chocolate for now,” He corrected.

I grinned and pulled myself away from him, “Coming right away sir!” I made my way down into the kitchen, knocking Kenji’s bedroom door on my way. “Godfather Shohei won’t wait for you, get up now.” I shouted as I passed the bedroom.

Later on, Taka and Kenji joined me in the kitchen. I already made breakfast for us and already plated in front of the chair I know they will be going to occupy when they’re there.

“I want to ride the roller coaster!” Kenji excitedly announces.

“Baby that will be for the adults, you can have the bump car or the tea cup, ducks and even the birds. Not roller coaster.” Taka calmly said and Kenji just pouted through it.

“Yeah, daddy’s right.”

“But I want to—”

“Baby, kids are not allowed to ride the Roller Coaster, believe me. When Uncle Hiro’s your age, he was kick out of the line to the Roller Coaster he was very disappointed.” He emphasizes on the ‘kick-out’ and ‘disappointed’.

Kenji obviously shivers to that. I wanted to laugh but Taka winks into my direction so I just stifle it because obviously, that’s how he can convince him not to do the thing he wants. Kenji nodded to that and mumbles along the line of he understood.

Later on, Shohei pick up Kenji and they bid their goodbyes to us, Kenji kissing each of our cheeks before climbing into the back seat. A sigh escape from my lips as I watched the cars disappeared from my line of sight. Sometimes I don’t want Kenji to go out without me but, I don’t want to be heartless and share them to people he loves and loves them so much, aren’t I?

When I came back into the room, Taka had inserted a CD on the laptop from which snowy melody escaped. It was the kind of music that soothes your inside but at the same time arousing.

Taka had a mesmerizing smile on his face, his misty hands placing the two cups on the bedside table before walking towards me and intertwined our hands, crowded my space and kissed me on the lips. Everything is in slow motion, to the mellifluous rhythm of the song playing in the background to the way he traces his fingers into my sides.

Our lips created sparks inside the other's bodies, our hands disentangling to grip onto each other in need. I slowly walked us back till Taka’s back hit the cold glass of the door to the balcony. I moved my lips to Taka’s ivory skin, his neck and collarbones. Taka just tilted his head to the other side to grant me more space, the shirt sliding off his shoulder as if for that purpose. Taka grips me by my waist as I shower him with kisses, moans and groans slips passed his sinfully sexy mouth, hearing those quiet moans that awakened my heart in mornings like these, and nights never-ending.

We began swaying to the melody, step by step, kissing and holding each other before I decided that this is enough foreplay already, so I bring us into the king size bed at the center of the room, Taka losses his balance when the back of his knees hit the end of the bed and he fell down. I can’t stop laughing as I also fell on top of him, covering his body with mine.

“Hot chocolate is not hot anymore.” He giggled a flashy brightness in his eyes. He propped himself up on his elbows so he could see me better, and pecked my lips.

I brushed my knuckles against his pale skin, the outline of his cheekbones and the slight swell of his lips. Velvety. Ravishing. “Who cares? You give me more warmth than any hot fluid down my throat.” I whisper into his ears.

“Did someone tell you how sweet you are?” he asks, dragging the ‘e’ like a string.

“You did, I guess.” I just said before diving in to his waiting lips. I lowered my hands, opening his buttons one by one. I took my time this time, not like what we usually do, it’s different now because I wanted him to stay a bit longer. I watched him closely as the growing glimpses of Taka’s hard yet soft body under my fingers, the revealing tattoos that I hope I knew the meaning of, the ups and downs of his stomach as he breathed heavily.

Taka reaches my nape and drags me closer to him and picks a kiss to my mouth. “Please,”

So I began, lips on Taka’s chest, leaving butterfly kisses all over while kneading the flesh on his thighs firmly. The noise that got stuck on his throat encouraged me further. I placed a feathery kiss on his nipple, allowing my tongue to peek out from between my teeth and lap at the tender skin. I teased him with quick contacts, just fleeting touches of my tongue against his nipple, but gave up when I heard a broken call of my name leaving his mouth.

The whole room began to shine as the sun slowly sets in her throne at the sky, the music still playing on repeat and Taka was already a breathless mess, chest heaving up and down like reaching for air. I snatched the oxygen away and provided him with that at the same time as I slowly lift his leg up to my shoulder; slid my lips from his ankles to the inner side of his thighs, where I took the skin between my teeth, leaving a mark that surely lasts up to the next time we meet.

“Can you lift your hips off?” I asked, pressing a sweet kiss on his already bitten lips.

He obeyed, letting me adjust a pillow under him but he quickly caught a hold of my hair before I can even went down. I looked up him. “Don't...tease me please. I might—”

I smirked and pressed my lips behind his ear. I took his earlobe into my mouth, mouthing at it to draw a moan out of him before I whispered, “Well, what’s the fun in that?”

“I’m obviously not looking for fun, aren’t I?” he whined in protest, eyebrows knitting together as if he was already worn out. I just kissed him again assuring. “Shall we start now?”

I rolled my eyes to him. As much as I want it to be longer than necessary, I don’t want this to be just one sided pleasure; I want him to feel it too. Instead of answering him I kiss his inner side again before proceeding to the first plan I had. He arched his back off the bed, gasping audibly when I deep into his tight hole. His hands reddened fisting the sheets under him, a gritted teeth followed by a sweet moan.

Taka don’t need preparation as he was already loosen up from last night but I don’t want to take a risk in hurting him so I prep him again by flicking my tongue inside the tight circle of his, curling my tongue slightly to allow the entrance. I let my hands wander back to Taka’s stomach massaging it, telling him to relax.

His breathing slowly relaxes as I inserted the first two fingers in, invading his insides. I heard him curse. Not later than I inserted another again. At this, Taka moaned loudly throwing his head back on the pillow.

“Oh, come on, I need more than that,” a ‘please’ followed after it as I wiggle my fingers inside leaving him to leaving him to struggle with his breaths as I bit my bottom lip to suppress a moan from watching him alone.

I kissed the tip in a fleeting motion, flattened my tongue under his length and licked along teasingly slow. Taka’s legs trembled in anticipation, veins popping out in his neck at the amount of control he was trying to get over the urge to release as I found the sweet spot and hit it again and again mercilessly. His moans were now obscenely loud and I’m glad we’re not living in an apartment where the neighbors can hear us.

I took him into my mouth soon after, till the tip scratched against the back of my throat, deep-throating him as I fingered him to oblivion. Taka breathlessly chants my name. There were scratches down my back where he grabs me, leaving reddish marks that might be bleeding if not for my sweat that was blending with it but I didn't mind. It was a reminder that Taka’s mine today.

“I’m close,” he gritted out so I release him with a loud pop which we both chuckled.

Taka grabs the bottle of lube seated at the night stands from last night and throws it at me. I poured the cold liquid into my hand and bring it to my hard cock coating it to the hilt. I hate its cold feeling against my skin but I don’t want to hurt him so I needed to just endure it.

I closed the bottle in my hand, throwing it wherever before I grab both of Taka’s legs and placed it into my shoulder. Then slowly inter him, condom be damn. We both decided that that thing is just a hindrance to the real thing, so we both decided not to use any of that again as we both know we’re clean for each other. I hold my breath while descending into Taka’s hot cavern. This is not the first time but every time we do this, I need to control my breathing or else I might come without warning. Taka’s always tight no matter how many times a day or a night we’ve done this, and it’s so good. The heat, the tightness, the sight of him underneath me, it was all too much.

I moaned his name as I finally sheathed inside him and wait for him to adjust. When he rocks his hips up that’s the time I know he was now ready. I started slowly, thrusting into him until I can no longer control it and thrust harder into him. A few more thrust and we both finally released with a drawn out moan of each other’s name.

\--------------

“You’re going now?” I watched him from the bed as he slips on fresh clothes after he showered again. I want to say to him that I wanted him to stay but, do I have the right to?

“Yeah,” he just said and slip on his shoes. I just nodded to that though he didn’t see me do so.

“Dinner tonight?” I test.

“Oh, I promise to take her to the downtown tonight, probably eat at her chosen restaurant.” Shrugging his shoulder he said while walking into the full body mirror near the bathroom door.

I cover my whole body with the quilt. I don’t want to see him walk out of the door or him seeing me miserable of him leaving me. I feel like a slut, a dirty little secret, a mistress or whatsoever. I don’t like this but as what I’ve said, I don’t have the right.

“I’m going now,” he said and I just hummed to him, pretending to sleep.

I heard the opening and closing of the bedroom door and then his footsteps down the stairs, later on, the opening and closing of the front door, then his car out of the garage. He’s gone.

When this is all started? I don’t know. Maybe the night we had with Kenji’s mom, or even before that. I was always attracted to him, I know that for sure but I don’t know how it becomes deeper as this that I can even call it love at this point. _Love_ , complicated word that I wouldn’t want to associate myself with aside from, of course loving my son to the fullest.

I stand up and padded into the kitchen to fix myself with late lunch. I still have time to clean the house before Kenji will be home. A loud sigh escapes my mouth as I stare at the whole house.

\-------------------

I drown the last drop of the whiskey into my throat. Its bitter taste lingers into there like a magnet clinging into the metal. Another sigh escapes from my mouth as I watched the ice cube slips from each other inside the glass. I’m feeling so miserable for the past months that I’ve never seen him. I don’t want to ask where he is and why he isn’t visiting but I don’t have the right to. This is the saddest part of being the dirty little secret, you can’t demand.

“Papa,”

I immediately turned to see my son walking towards me. He’s scratching his eyes to chase away his sleepiness. I scoop him and put him into my lap. “Hey, why are you up?” he immediately snuggles into my chest, his small hand reaching and wrapping my neck. I kiss his head as he relaxes into my hold.

“I miss daddy. He is not coming here anymore.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat at that, so even Kenji misses him. “He’s just busy. We shouldn’t keep him away from his work.”

“But I miss him and you miss him too, right Papa?”

“Oh— ah, yeah. We both miss him here.” I told him. He snuggles more to me. “You should go back to sleep. Haru-san will pick you up in the morning, remember? He’ll bring you to the shrine.”

He just nodded his head then climbs out of my lap and padded into his bedroom door. He looks at me one last time and smile before closing his door. Another sigh escapes me before finally deciding to just sleep the night away.

\---------------

I look at him up and down and stared at him like I can’t believe he actually standing at my kitchen, busying himself of whatever it is he is looking at the cupboards. Its few weeks before Kenji’s fourth birthday and after Kenji were now out of the hospital after he caught cold few days ago. What pissed me is that he just replied to my one paragraph message with just an ‘okay’. It’s not like Kenji is just someone but he is his son for fucking sake and he’ll just replied with that four letter word without even giving emotion to it and after few days he texted me that he was with his girlfriend and can’t go home because they’re currently celebrating their few months of being together and that made me even angrier.

“Thus Peter Pan finally grows old?” I sarcastically ask while leaning against the door frame of the kitchen, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I can’t help but to show how unhappy I am to see him in my kitchen as if nothing happens for the past few months.

This is not the way I imagine of him being back. I’m pissed off of him and I can’t hide it and even pretend that everything is okay.

“Takeru,” he greeted me.

“You’re actually here.” I said stating the fact and goes to rummage the cupboard for some glass. “What makes you?”

“I’m sorry,”

“Sorry,” I repeated it. It rolled out of my mouth with bitterness. “What for? For not actually caring about your son?” I emphasize the words and he visibly jolted to that, “Because even if he died in there a few days ago, you wouldn’t budge because of course you’ll chose to stay and work and be with your girlfriend to celebrate a fucking few months together.” he visibly jolted to that because now he know that I’m mad, because I’m rarely curse. He tried to speak but I cut him, “You know what? I don’t care whatever you’re doing, but this is my son we’re talking about, I told you, if you can’t be a father to him then don’t. Don’t give him hope and suddenly you’ll crush it because you chose to be with your fucking girlfriend than to be with him.”

“I’m sorry,”

“Does she know?”

“Of him? Of you? No.” he mumbles the last one in almost a whisper to the wind.

“Get out.” I sternly told him.

“Ta—”

“Daddy? Papa?” we both turned into the side of the kitchen island and there Kenji in his Doraemon pajamas, “Are you fighting?” we both look into each other.

I’m immediately by his side, squatting in front of him, “No baby, we’re just discussing about something. You shouldn’t up right now, remember what the doctor told you?” he nodded.

“He said I needed to rest.”

“Yes baby, you need to rest so now go back to your room. I’ll bring you something to eat later.”

“Are you staying Daddy?” he looks up to Taka, his eyes are hopeful to whatever Taka would say to him that will make him happy.

“Yes.”

And with that, Kenji is now beaming joy while padding back into his room. When he’s out I turned back to Taka and glared at him. If looks could kill I might had him murdered in front of me.

“Look, I want to be a father to him now and until I die. Please, give me another chance to prove it.”

“I won’t give you another chance just to break both of our hearts.” I said and walk passed him and into the kitchen, grabbing everything I need to make my son his favorite food.

“Please,” his voice broke and I don’t want to see him now because I’m a sucker for his sad face. It’s always like this for the past months, if I give him chance now he’ll just do it again. “Please,”

I finally turned to him because, one, I hate it when he uses that pleading tone on me, second is that I hate it when he’s so vulnerable like this. “You need to choose between us and your girlfriend,” I said as calmly as I am. I know how much he love her that he even introduces her to the gang and to his family. He’s serious about her that I think he’ll marry her very soon.

“Takeru,”

“If you choose her then that will be the end of this conversation. I don’t want to see you again and you will never see him again. If you choose us then you’ll stay. It’s simple as that, because for once, I don’t want us to be your dirty little secret anymore.”

I turned back to my cooking, leaving him to think about it. This time I’m serious about this. We have talk about this a few months ago and every time I talk to him about it, I can only get a silence as an answer. However now, it’s enough already that he can’t even introduce Kenji to his family or to his other friends aside from the gang and I don’t want to hurt him again, hurt myself again.

I proceeded to just cook and forget him as silence followed after that. As usual, he can’t do that and I’m tired of this. I heard his footsteps going away so I know what he choose. It hurts but what can I do really? So maybe I’ll just have to make up another lie for Kenji to believe. His dad won’t be coming back to us anymore.

\------------------

“Happy birthday to you!!” everyone claps as Kenji blows the candle atop his Doraemon cake with many Doreamon cupcakes besides it. He and his love for Doraemon, really. His friends, the one he knows in his school as he starts schooling now, came to him and cheerfully greeted him.

He’s five now. Time goes by so fast that I lose track of time if not because of Kenji, the constant reminder of the days and months and years, I probably forget what today is.

After singing, everyone go back to their tables and start digging in. the cake was sliced and was currently being distributed to the happy kids waiting for it. Kenji was with his friends, entertaining them like an old man entertaining his friends. I chuckle to that as I watched him go back and forth to every table.

“He’s growing so fast,” I heard Haruma sighed behind me.

“Yeah, he is and I’m starting to get worried now.” we both laughs at that. “I’m dreading the day he would introduce his girlfriend to me and he’ll say that he will be living with her.”

Haruma chuckled with that,“He’s a very good child; I know he won’t give you headache.” He assures me, tapping me at my back. I smile at him to that and he smiles to me too that make my heart skip a beat. Yeah, he and his all-knowing smile that made all the women falls into his feet.

I wonder how I did not fall for him instead as he was always with me especially when I needed him. But no, heart has its own way of making one’s life miserable by falling to a wrong person. _Wrong person_ , I repeated it into my brain.

Since then, I haven’t seen him and its four months exactly. Kenji’s been looking for him and I told him the truth that his daddy won’t be coming back as he had someone else’s in his life now that needed his attention very much and maybe one of these days he can see him but we’re not sure about that, I said. He cried almost every night, missing his dad tucking him to bed but as the days goes by, he understood our situation now and instead of looking for his dad, he’s always sleeping with me now every time he feels like it.

Of course, he still loves his dad and keeps the pictures still hanging at his bedroom door, the picture of the three of us at the onsen during one time we travel to Osaka for a weekend getaway. That’s so far the happiest days we had spent together and just be ourselves. But all happy times had an ending and it is now the ending of that.

\---------------

I was jolted awake by the buzzing of my phone. It’s not like I don’t have had callers in the middle of the night before but the one that’s ringing is the emergency ring tone I set for Taka long time ago, when were still in good terms with each other. I groaned while reaching for the offending device at the night stand. Good thing Kenji was sleeping at his own room now and not curled up against my side.

I wanted to ignore the call especially that I know who it is on the other line but the emergency tone is not to be ignored for so I pushed the answer button.

“Hello,”

Distorted sound can be heard on the other line and then heavy breathing like someone is running, then something falls with a loud thud, “… General Hospital,” I pick up from the broken line before it finally cut off.

“What?”

I jolted up immediately and grab my sweat pants and t-shirt at the corner of my bed and walk into Kenji’s bedroom while I’m calling Haruma because I don’t know who to call at this moment.

He pick up after three rings, “Hey” he answers.

“Can you come over and watch for Kenji. I really need to go to somewhere. Please?” I added the last part just to emphasize that I really needed him here.

After her said yes and that he is now coming, I hanged my phone and immediately walks out of the bedroom, grabbing the car keys and wallet along the way. I’ll just wait for Haruma outside. I searched for the hospitals that have ‘general’ in its name and I can only see one, the Tokyo General Hospital which around 45 minutes from here. Whatever happened to him, it’s not good.

I hop into the driver’s seat when I saw Haruma’s car approaching the parking, blow my horn to him indicating that I saw him and drive off. I have already encode in the GPS the destination while waiting for Haruma so I did not waste time and actually heading immediately to the hospital.

\---------------

I walk immediately to the receptionist, ‘Akiko’ as I read it in her tag, widened her eyes upon seeing who she is talking to, and then smile at me.

“I’m looking for Mr. Moriuchi, is someone that name is in here?”

“Let me check it,” then type in her computer and then look over to me, “Yes, actually, and he is currently at the emergency room.”

“Thank you, ah, Akiko.” I said then sprint into the hallways and down to where I remember the emergency room is.

When I got there, no one was waiting outside but thankfully someone was coming out from the ER.

“Hi, I’m a—”

“Mr. Satoh,” he said and I just nodded, “Mr. Moriuchi has been transferred to a private room a while ago.”

“What is his room number then?”

“But, it’s passed the visiting hour already.”

“Please, I just need to see him.”

“It’s the hospital protocol.”

“Please, I just need to confirm that he’s still alive and so I can sleep well later,” of course that’s just me kidding and the guy wanted to laugh, instead he giggles.

“Uhm, okay. But please, this is just between me and you, no one should know and so I can keep my job. Yeah?”

“Of course! What can I do to thank you for this?”

“Selfie?” he offer, of course and I just nodded.

After we took selfie he gave me the room number and I was gone before he can even blink his eye and crack a smile at me. Apparently, no one from the band or his family knows about this or even his girlfriend as what the nurse said because I am the first visitor.

I peek at the room first to really confirm that it is Taka’s room and not someone else. When I saw him sleeping, I enter the room quietly.

I was standing at the end of the bed watching him as his chest rise and fall. IV was hanging from the metal holder and to his left arm, there’s bandage around his head and around his left foot. There’s nothing serious maybe and I was just overreacting about it but seeing him here, hurt, made me realize that whatever I do to forget him, I can’t. A quite sigh escapes from my mouth as I started to feel my feet aching from running a while ago.

He’s fine so I turned around to leave but before I can even step to the door I heard him call me. I turned back to him and there he was wide awake.

“You should call someone who’s closer to you than me.” I blurted out. I don’t know, I just wanna confirm that he indeed wanted me to know first before anyone else.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” his voice was hoarse as if he was yelling or shouting for a long time.

I swallow hard. I hate it when he’s like this. I wanted to hug him, to whisper soothing words into his ear, because damn, I love him so much that I can’t just stand here and watch him.

“No,” I lied. “I was doing something when you call.” Another lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “Why didn’t you call your girlfriend?” I just ask because I want to.

“We broke up weeks ago and she’s out of the country.”

“Toru, Tomo or Ryota?”

“I don’t know, I just—”

“Did they know about this?”

“No and I did not call them because I don’t want to.”

“And you call me because you want me to know?”

“Yeah, supposed, I guess.”

Another sigh escapes from my mouth, “What do you want from me now?”

“I don’t know,”

“Then I’ll go home,”

“Please,”

“Please what?”

“Can you stay?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I do. I want you here, by my side,” he pats the empty space beside him and I can only sigh because number one, I can’t say no when he is this vulnerable and two, because I wanted to.

I contemplated first before deciding and walk slowly into the bedside. He looks up to me and smile. He scoots over a little to give me more space. I sigh again before finally sitting beside him.

A pregnant silence followed with that, aside from the shuffling of the mattress as we settled in a comfortable position against the headboard of the hospital bed.

“Are you comfortable?” I ask. He was the one who needs the most space in bed yet he scooted over more to give more space for me.

“Uhm, yeah. I’m fine.”

“Taka,”

“Thank you, for coming here, for answering my call.”

“You know that I will, though.”

He giggles to that. “I wouldn’t if I don’t know that you will, yes. I know it already.”

“Asshole,” as I rolled my eyes to him.

“I miss you though.”

I look at him again and reach out for his face, my thumb caressing the side. I slowly release the breath that I don’t know I was holding until I was able to touch him.

“I miss you too,” I silently said before I lean in to him and capture his waiting lips with mine, he kiss me almost immediately. I leave his mouth slowly after I think I kissed him in satisfaction, biting his lips on the process. “Sleep now. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He grunted when I mention it before finally sink down into the mattress and let me climb out from the bed so he can lay down more comfortably.

“Promise me?” like a mature man that he is with matching pinky finger on the air.

I rolled my eyes to him first before nodded to him and taking his pinky with mine. “I’ll just need some caffeine. I’ll be back.” I tuck him in and then watch him sleep for a little while before padding silently out of the room.

I came back later on after I almost drown five cups of coffee from the Starbucks in front of the hospital. I bought something that Taka can eat too when he wakes up. I walk silently into his room and walks inside. What I saw inside made me freeze. Taka was talking with his family, meaning his mother, father, Hiro, Tomohiro and Toru on the other side of the bed. They are talking about something that I did not catch but one thing is for sure, they’d been arguing with him before I came.

“So he’s here.” Masako, Taka’s mother said when she saw me in not so friendly voice she used to use when we met.

“Takeru, please come over here.” he excitedly wave unto me. I nodded to him before walking towards his bed side. “What’s in there?” as he look over to the paper bag I’m holding.

“Uhm, food?” obviously.

“Is that for me?” I just nodded to that before placing the bag at the bedside table where a single rose was placed at the white vase, remind me to bring some flowers when I came back here next time. Taka grabs me through my free hand, squeezing it. “Anyway, let me introduce everyone.” He said before turning to everyone around then to me and smile.

What did he mean? Of course I know them and they know me, what’s the point of introducing?

“This is Takeru,” then look over to me. I bit my bottom lip when he said, “My boyfriend.” My heart almost jumps out of my rib cage especially when all their heads were now on me, their eyes drilling holes at the side of my head.

“What?” confused, I ask him. He just smiles at me.

“As what I’ve said, we got a son. You can meet him after I’m out of here.”

“Are you serious!?” his mom blurted out. If I was her, I will also do that.

“Yes,” he firmly confirms, squeeze my hand on the process like asking for support,“We’ve been together for a year now.” a year? Why did he need to lie about us?

Makoto gasps. “But Kiko,”

“I don’t want to break this all to you but, Kiko was just a cover obviously.”

A pregnant silence engulf the whole room that no one wanted to talk or no one wanted to comment on it until Hiro, the youngest brother commented.

“Well, that’s cool.” He said then looks over to me, “So we’re like brothers now.” he then grins at us and walks past Tomohiro and engulfs me into a tight hug, taps my back and then let go. “I’m very happy for you keigo, tell me when’s the party and I’ll be there. But for now, I need to be in the studio to record.” He hugs his brother and then turned over to me. “So, bro, see you in few days?” all I did was nod to him and he’s out of the room.

“I can’t still believe it but, if you’re happy then who am I to stop you, yeah?” Taka nodded while grinning to his brother, “Takeru, just take care of my brother. Sometimes he’s as stubborn as newborn but I’m sure he will be a great boyfriend.” Tomohiro then hugs me and congratulates us before kissing his mother in the cheeks and goes out.

Silence still in the room and the tension still hanging in the air. I look over to Toru, I can’t tell what his thinking really because his face still blanks and it’s hard to read it.

“I’m going now. See you in few days.” He then said without even looking at us and then closed the door slowly on his way.

“Mom,”

“Stop. I can’t just accept it.” she stands up and then goes out too without sparing another glance to her son, slamming the door on her way.

My heart stops beating the moment his father clear his throat before looking at our linked hands and looking up at us. “You sure about this?” he asks, Taka just nodded without a second thought. “Okay, I wanted to meet your son. Let’s have some kind of dinner in the house,” he said then smiles at me or Taka. “It will be a bumpy ride for the both of you, so take care of yourselves.” That actually surprised me but what surprised me more is when he hugs me tight and whispers ‘welcome to the family’ into my ear.

He was long gone before I feel Taka shaking me. I look over to him and he just grins. “If I had only known that it will be as easy as this, except for Mom, I should have done it the first time we slept together.” he said before letting go of my hand and lying down. “You want to join me here?” a mischievous smile plastered into his face while tapping the space beside him.

I don’t know what should I feel about everything but one thing is for sure, I won’t ever let him go. As I lay beside him in his hospital bed, wrapped him, I know I won’t ever let him go.

“You’re still a bastard. I want you to know that.” I said after kissing the top of his head.

“You love me still, though.” Taka giggles before burying his face at the crook between my neck and shoulder. Oh, how I love this moment.

“Yeah, wish that I could say the same with you.”

He looks up at me, meeting my gaze, and seriously uttered “I love you too.”

I blink few times at him, not quietly knowing what I should do or what should I feel at this moment. Taka finally admitted that he also loves me, finally admitted that he’s into me. I swallow the large lump that was forming in my throat.

Taka then reach for my face and kissed me passionately, sweeter than those kisses we shared before. That’s when I release the breath I don’t realize I’m holding until he kissed me. I smile at him and kiss him in return, pouring out all the things I wanted to tell him in that kiss.

That kiss that promises a lifetime together, that he is mine and I am his until we grow old and till death do us part. This moment will be forever treasured.


End file.
